


A Place Where Only You and I Exist, Even When You're Not Here

by harryydarling



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom!Harry, Fingering, Fluff, Fluff and Angst at the Beginning, M/M, Porn With Plot, Romance, Smut, smut at the end, top!Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 19:14:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/943636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harryydarling/pseuds/harryydarling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Louis experience a summer romance that spring them into feelings that one is ready to face head on, while the other is afraid to face them at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Place Where Only You and I Exist, Even When You're Not Here

It was the summer of ’08. The summer before Harry left for university and a summer full of opportunities. He was young, reckless, and confused. Being 16 and having this consistent nag inside your head telling you that something is wrong with your body - wrong with the way you think - can really destroy you. Harry tried to _get over it._ But the thing is, is there is no way to just _get over it._ Your sexuality isn’t something you _get over._ Despite what any bible thumper might say.

So, he pretended. He joined the football team, and hung out with the teammates. Going to parties, pulling pranks, and undermining anyone who was beneath them on the social ladder. He laughed along with their homophobic gay jokes, even though every time someone made a pun or cracked a joke he would die a little inside.

A part of him was unbelievably relieved when his last year of school ended. He no longer felt tied to that place, or to those people. He stepped away from that group of oblivious friends and their shallow minds. Instead, he found himself hiding away at his parent’s lake house on the ocean. A place where the sand was white and fine and the water turquoise blue and salty. It was his safe haven. A place where he felt safe; where no one could crack a joke at him or be undermined by his peers. 

But it was incredibly lonely. This house was a good twenty miles out of the city and his parents had jobs to tend too. And all of his friends were off partying and participating in their narrow minded games. So, he was alone.

The times he felt most lonely were when he would sit on the window bench that accompanied the giant full-wall window that overlooked the ocean. He would watch and listen as the waves crashed on the shore, dissipating into a white foam outline of each brush of water that graced the sand; as the seagulls chased each other across the beach, occasionally fighting over a dead fish that washed up with the current. And then he would watch as they flew off, in there v formation, away to a place that was unknown to him.

He always envied birds. How they had the ability to fly away and leave whenever they pleased. No commitments, no promise to time or place. They had the world at their wings. Wherever they wanted to go, they would go. Whenever he would see a group of birds flying above he would try and guess where they were headed. Australia? Brazil? Japan? Who knew. He longed to have the free will of a bird. To feel like he could get up and leave whenever. Hell, he probably could. But he was graced with the burden of what he would leave behind. His parents, his future. Everything.

That’s probably why Louis left.

Ah yes, Louis. The pinnacle of that summer. The mysterious boy whom Harry had fallen deeply in love with.

Harry had stumbled upon him on the beach and marveled at how his eyes seemed to match the sea perfectly. Louis was always an enigma. He never said what he was doing on the beach or where he was from. The first thing Louis had said to Harry was _Good Lord I hate the ocean._ Harry had wanted to reply by asking him why he was on the beach 20 miles from nearest civilization if he hated the ocean. But he kept getting trapped in those sparkling blue eyes. And all he had stupidly said was _Why’s that?_ And Louis had given this huge spiel about the science of it and how the waves weren’t just waves. How instead they demonstrated two entities rotating around each other, always aware of each other’s presence and pushing and helping each other along, but never intersecting. Never joining as one. Almost like two skinny lovers. It took a while for Harry to fully realize what Louis meant, but after googling the science of waves he finally understood.

He marveled at Louis for how smart and open minded he seemed. He had a creative edge and a way about him that proved to Harry that Louis saw things differently than most people. He found the beauty in the simplest of things. Like a rock on the shore. He would pick it up and explain to Harry how this rock had seen many things. How it had started out on the bottom of the ocean as a part of a huge boulder. Then erosion took part in the cycle and broke it down. And the waves then formed the oval, smooth, rock in his hand. Harry had taken that rock out of the palm of Louis’ hand and observed it. It didn’t look much different than any other rock. A grayish color with little particles of lighter minerals intermingled in with it. But yet, this one had a different story than all the other ones Harry had seen. It had Louis’ story. And somehow, that made it special.

Harry fell hard for Louis. It only took about 3 weeks of Louis sharing his never ending knowledge and beautiful presence when he felt it. The tug at his heart when Louis wasn’t there. The bubble in his veins when he was. Harry found himself on numerous occasions staring fondly at the fair haired boy as he went on another one of his tangents. Listening, but not actually hearing. He liked to watch Louis’ lips move. The gentle curve of them, and how the ends would turn up when he talked about something he loved. Louis did most of the talking in the relationship.

And, yes, it was a relationship. Their first kiss was shared underneath a willow tree with the setting sun streaming in through the sleeping willow branches that nearly touched the ground. They were laying on their backs and Louis was in the middle of a story about why the tree was called a sleeping willow when Harry interrupted him with his lips. The kiss was chaste, Harry not sure how Louis felt about him. But when he pulled back and saw the corners of Louis’ mouth turn up, he leaned back in. Louis encouraged him by putting his hand on the back of Harry’s neck pulling him down. Their lips were soft against each other’s and Harry couldn’t think of a better feeling. That night had ended with tangled limbs in Harry’s bed at the lake house as they cuddled and talked about nothing but everything at the same time.

Harry was fairly certain Louis felt the same way about him. He would occasionally catch Louis staring at him as they were supposed to be watching a movie, cuddling under a blanket and eating popcorn. Harry didn’t say anything in fear of the moment ending, just letting Louis stare.

Harry couldn’t tell if time was passing by insanely fast or at a snail’s pace. He had lost track of it somewhere in his Louis-clouded mind. Louis didn’t seem all too worried about it, either. Even stating once how keeping track of time was a waste of it. Saying something along the lines of _People spend too much time worrying about time that they waste all of their time worrying about it._ It wasn’t his most eloquent sentence but it got his point across. But despite their lack of time keeping, Harry could feel the summer coming to an end.

And he guessed Louis could feel it too.

Harry knew full well that Louis was in university. He knew that the boy was 18 and studying Drama. He knew that Louis was going to have to leave at some point.

He just didn’t think so soon.

Or without a goodbye.

The night before had seemed normal enough. They had taken a walk on the beach, watching as the sunset painted the sky in beautiful pastels of blue, pink, and orange; the sun a large orange ball resting on the horizon. They held hands and waded their feet in the water as Louis explained why the sun seemed bigger when it was setting than when it was in the sky. (Something about more atmosphere and scattering particles creating an optical illusion. Harry wasn’t really listening.) And when the sun had finally gone to sleep and the stars were making their appearance, they laid out on a blanket in the sand to point out constellations. Louis found the most. 

The night had ended in heated kisses and sweaty bodies, Louis taking Harry’s innocence for the first time. It was the night Harry was certain they both had mutual feelings towards each other.

Maybe he was wrong.

When Harry woke up the next morning to find the bed empty on his left side, he didn’t think much of it. Maybe Louis was making them both tea in the kitchen, or maybe he went for a walk. Endless possibilities. But when he wasn’t found in the kitchen, and didn’t return for two hours, the possibilities started dwindling.

Harry had sent numerous texts and phone calls to Louis. All of them going unanswered. Harry thought maybe he had done something wrong. Maybe Louis had regretted the night before. Maybe Harry wasn’t good enough for him. He didn’t have much experience under his belt and maybe that wasn’t good enough for Louis. His mind raced with reasons of why he wasn't good enough.

He felt unworthy of everything. He went through his first year at UNI spending less time trying to figure out his Calculus problems and more time trying to figure out why Louis had dropped all contact with him. It killed him. His grades suffered. He went through the winter, watching as the snow fell, an endless metaphor to his heart. Cold, heavy, and bound to disappear and wither away with time.

Spring came along and he was tortured with the idea that a summer without Louis was coming near. He didn’t sleep well at night. He had gotten used to Louis’ warmth always pressed up against him, and without it he felt empty.

Summer came and he went back to the lake house. He held on to a small glimmer of hope that Louis would show up, talking about how much he hated the sea, and how it was a metaphor to a skinny love. But that glimmer got dimmer and dimmer as the days passed into weeks and further into months. The summer dragged on without Louis’ laugh to fuel it along.

\--

UNI started up again and Harry felt lonelier than ever. He had acquainted a couple people in his Literature class, and he was honest with them. But while they were nice to him during the lectures and in his dorm room, they would ignore him in public and they never invited him to the frat parties. Harry wasn’t stupid, he knew why. He always seemed to choose the narrowest minded people. If only Louis were there. He would reassure him and tell him that nothing was wrong with him and that people were just stupid and couldn’t accept something that was a part of nature and couldn’t be helped. And that being rude about it wasn’t going to _fix_ anything. But Harry had to deal with this on his own, and he felt even lonelier than he did when he was staring at the seagulls and the waves and wishing he could fly anywhere he wanted.

\--

Two falls, two winters, two springs. Harry had spent two falls, two winters, and two springs without Louis. Every day he woke up and the first thing he thought of were those blue eyes, perfectly mirroring the sea and its sparkly turquois. He thinks of the times when they would swim in that sea and they would stand still and wait for the fish to come and surround them. They were always little fish but they were always colorful as well. Blues, greens, oranges, and even purples. Sometimes they would even take a net out and try to catch one. They failed most of the time, but Louis caught one once. It was a blue fish with yellow stripes and Harry had filled a tank with water and sea salt for the fish to live in. They kept it for a night then Louis decided that they were practically torturing the fish and released it back into the ocean.

And again, as he tried to fall asleep all he could think about was Louis and the musky citrus of his cologne and how even when Louis wasn’t there he would always roll over and smell him on his pillows. But Louis had been gone for too long, and the scent no longer remained.

The last week of UNI was near and Harry was struggling to study for exams. His focus was off and the classes were too hard and he hated everything. All he wanted was to go back to the lake house and have Louis be waiting for him and cuddle with him and not care about time. To have weeks feel like days and hours to feel like weeks. For him to not know the difference between Wednesday and Saturday because it _didn’t matter._ No commitments, no place to be except for in each other’s arms.

He tried to get over Louis. He really did. He went out on a few dates with a couple blokes that had nothing in mind but sex. Harry had spent 3 weeks with Louis before their first kiss and then 3 months before their first time. Maybe Harry was stuck in the past, but he had morals, and sleeping with someone after a first date did not coincide with them.

Harry gave up with dating.

\--

Once final exams were over, Harry went to his mother and stepfather’s house for two weeks. Harry hadn’t realized how much he missed his mother until he actually saw her smiling face in person. They talked about UNI and friends and family, and finally Harry brought up Louis. His mom had not known about Louis while they were seeing each other. She hadn’t even known he was gay. He came out to her last summer, but still never told her about Louis.

She seemed shocked at first, but then more confused as to why he kept him a secret. He didn’t really know either.

After the two weeks, he went back to the lake house. He didn’t know why he kept going back, but he couldn’t help the way it almost felt like home. Louis had practically lived with him. Some mornings Harry could just lay back in bed and pretend that Louis was downstairs in the kitchen making breakfast how he did that summer. It always brought a smile to his face, but it never lasted long.

\--

Harry had spent about 2 weeks at the house and was sitting in the window bench once again feeling ever so lonely. Even more lonely than the first summer. The waves were a menacing gray color, the white caps proving the fury hidden underneath the water. The seagulls were riled up by the angry weather outside, the air a mixture of rain and salt, the powerful wind combining them into one. They chased each other on the sand that didn’t look so white anymore.

His thoughts were put to a stop when the seagulls suddenly flew away, startled. Harry perked up, the sudden change in events peaking his interest. He looked for what had startled them into flying off to their unknown destination sooner than they had planned. When his eyes scanned over the figure a few yards down the beach, he nearly choked on his saliva.

He had to blink a few times and almost deemed himself crazy when he finally realized what he was seeing.

Louis.

Walking from the same direction that he was that first time Harry encountered him.

Harry hesitated for only a millisecond before jumping up and exiting through the front door. The air was thick, a strong wind covering everything in a blanket of mugginess; the taste of salt prominent.

He started out walking but then quickly began to jog. But he stopped a few paces away from the boy when he noticed that Louis wasn’t facing him, instead he was facing ahead, towards the angry ocean before him.

Warily, Harry reached out to touch the older boys’ shoulder. Partly to see if he was actually there and partly to get his attention. _Louis_ he whispered, the word feeling wonderful on his tongue.

Abruptly Louis turned to him, letting a small smirk grace his lips, and said, _Good Lord I hate the ocean._

 

* * *

 

 

**Epilogue:**

Harry beamed the biggest smile you could ever imagine seeing on a person. It was his Louis. His Louis was back after almost two years of being gone. Harry was confused, shocked, and a little angry. But mostly, he was unbelievably happy.

He wanted an explanation, damn right he did, but first he wanted to kiss him. So, he did. Louis wasn’t hesitant to kiss right back. They kissed right there on the shore until their lips were bruised and lungs empty. Finally Louis was the one who suggested they go back inside _before we get absolutely soaked by the rain that’s bound to come._

So, hand in hand, they walk back to the lake house.

Harry asked for an explanation. That’s the first thing he wanted. And Louis gave him one. Louis explained that he left because he had to go to school in Manchester, but he also admitted there was another reason. And the reason why he left so suddenly without even a note or a text goodbye was because he was afraid of the feelings he had for Harry. He thought it was unnatural for him to feel so strongly for a boy that he only knew for a few months. The last night had sparked something in him that he was too afraid to face. So, he ran away.

And when Harry asked why he waited two years to come back, Louis answered with an honest _I don’t know,_ following it up with, _It seemed too cliché to come back exactly a year after I left._

Harry was still upset that Louis made him spend nearly two years without him, but Louis made up for it.

Harry was lying in bed that night, a huge grin plastered to his face, knowing that Louis was in the bathroom next door, brushing his teeth. He finally felt complete again, after two years of feeling empty.

Louis came back to the bedroom, breath smelling minty, and instead of going over to his side of the bed, he climbed up on top of Harry. He leaned over Harry, staring into the green eyes that had captured his heart two years ago. Harry giggled, but Louis shushed him with a kiss. The kiss was deep and hungry, searching for more. Two years apart had taken a huge toll on both of them in more than one way.

Neither of them were in anything more than their own boxers. Both shirtless and half hard, Louis dipped his hips down to grind against Harry. Harry let out a strangled _Mmph_ and both of their breathing became erratic. The grinding continued, Harry feeling a way he’s never felt before. His eyes closing involuntarily as the older boy above him did things with his hips that he didn’t think were even possible.

Both of them were close already, but Louis suddenly stopped his movements earning a frustrated grunt from Harry. But Louis made up for it when he leaned down and whispered into Harry’s curl covered ear _I need to be inside you, babe._

Harry moaned in approval and Louis started working their boxers off. He threw them to the side, on to the floor, but simple details as these didn’t matter to either of them at the moment. The only thing that mattered were each other and how they each possessed the heart of the other.

Louis slicked up his fingers with his own saliva, creating noises and a sight that were both obscene to the boy beneath him. Harry spread his legs, ready to take whatever Louis was willing to give him. Louis pressed a finger to the puckered skin and pressed his lips to the younger boys’ neck, sucking and biting. With the distraction, Harry barely felt it as Louis proceeded to enter three fingers inside of him, one at a time.

Louis worked Harry open, and when he figured Harry had had enough teasing – the young boy squirming underneath him and breathing out profanities – he extracted his fingers, replacing it with the head of his cock. Slowly, inch by inch, he entered the young boy. Harry bit his lip, trying to get past the initial sting that quickly turned to pleasure.

Louis saw white behind his eyelids, the tightness of Harry doing wonders to his body. Harry was shifting underneath him, looking for some sort of movement. After a few feeble attempts he finally breathed out _Louis, move, please._

Louis nodded quickly, obeying the younger boys’ request. He slowly pulled out and then pushed back in. This went on for a while, until Louis was desperate for a release. He sped up and rocked into the boy frantically. Both of them a moaning, panting mess.

Louis was close and warned the boy beneath him. Harry just nodded and said _Me too._

It only took three more thrusts for Louis to let go inside of Harry, the younger boy following close behind, climaxing on his own stomach.

After waiting a few seconds to catch their breaths, Louis got up to get a washcloth to clean both of their messes off of Harry. Louis did so, applying kisses to every surface of the young boys’ hot and tingling skin. Harry had never felt more warm and loved in his life.

After disposing of the cloth, Louis climbed into bed next to Harry, wrapping the boy in his arms, and whispering _I’m sorry_ ’s. He didn’t feel like he could ever forgive himself for hurting the boy as much as he did. He was selfish and stupid, and Harry had every right to hate him.

But Harry didn’t hate Louis, he loved him.

Even after all this time, Harry still forgave him.

He did need one thing, though. Just as he was about to fall asleep he whispered up to Louis _You won’t leave again, will you Lou?_

The question broke Louis’ heart, but he answered _Of course not. I promise. I love you, Harry._

And they both fell asleep and were at peace for the first time in two years.

And Louis was still holding Harry in his arms when they woke up the next morning.

 

* * *

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this and thanks for reading!
> 
> Please feel free to leave a comment about what you thought. Constructive criticism is always nice, as well as general praise if that is what you wish to leave :)  
> Kudos are wonderful, as well!
> 
>  
> 
> [Tumblr](http://silkysmoothstyles.tumblr.com/)


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